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Ojisan's Advice Corner
Welcome to Ojisan's Advice Corner, where you can ask advice on just about anything. 100% Non Judgmental!

Need an Agony Uncle? Whether you're feeling upset about something and need help, need a comforting shoulder to cry on or even want to improve a skill, I'll try the best I can to give you the best advice I can.

Remember all advice here is just a suggestion and you can tackle any situation you see fit. Feel free to click on About Ojisan if you're unsure if this blog is right for you.

Feel free to submit if the ask box isn't big enough.

Spanish and German also available.
Please forgive my absence

Oji has come down with a horrible fever!

I’ll be back asap!

Anonymous sent: how do i cope with dying?

I have to say, I’m not quite sure with what you mean by ‘dying’. However there are several ways to cope with negative feelings.

You can make a diary of how you’re feeling, sometimes just getting your feelings down on paper can help relieve some of them. Try doing something you usually do, like painting, cross-stitching, trying out a new recipe. Something refreshing.

But most of all, tell someone you trust so they can be there to support you.

Anonymous sent: How do I come out to my mother about being trans* ?

It depends on the sort of person your mother is darling.

There are several ways to come out as being trans, whether it’s a serious, deep conversation, over lunch or in another situation that you’re both generally comfortable with.

Well, the main thing is to be prepared.

Being trans can often come as a shock, especially to parents as it’s difficult to realize that your son is really your daughter, or vice versa. You need to be prepared for questions that will probably make you feel very uncomfortable, you know. Very personal ones as it’s most likely that a parent will have concerns about a future family, whether you’re sure etc. I hate to say this, but if you prepare yourself for the worst then it’ll make it a lot easier if she’s accepting, only has a few questions etc.

The main thing is, you are who you are. You’ve recognized your gender identity, you’ve accepted it about yourself and that is the main thing.

The thing is you’ll be a lot happier coming out and being who you are than having to pretend.

Just remember, no matter what you’re a beautiful, wonderful person.

I hope this helped.

hiwmtb-deactivated20121028 sent: Hey! We're a new organisation who help people who are feeling suicidal, suffer from self harm or are just feeling down, we'd be interested in you joining us as we're looking to expand our team! :-) What'd you say? - The HIWMTB Team

Oh my goodness, sure I’d love to help.

I’ll publish this so my followers, and others can be linked to the blog if they’d like to have a look.

Anonymous sent: My dad and my best friend have died in the recent 3 years.. and I think about dying in hopes that I may see them again..

First of all, I’m sorry for your loss and it’s terrible that you’ve had to  grieve in such a way.

However, do you really think they’ll want you to cut off your precious life so soon?

If you want to see them when you die, the fact is when it’ll happen, it’ll happen. It’s not like you won’t see them if you live a long fulfilling life.

Besides, you’ll be causing yourself to miss out on so much. New friends, family, travelling, wonderful life changing experiences that can really make your life rich and fulfilling because of your grief. 

You don’t want to do that my love.

Your life is beautiful and pure and to cause another loss would be a huge tragedy. Nothing is worth killing yourself, even if it really feels that way right now, it won’t be.

Whenever you feel that way, try and do something productive, something that will make you, and them, proud of yourself for accomplishing something.

I also think it would be best if you told a close friend of family member that you trust so they can keep a close eye on you.

It would be best.

Stay strong my dear, you are beautiful.

Anonymous sent: There's a man that I have fallen very hard for. I've never felt this way before. I love him so much. He's in the navy. He wants to get married and he wants me to move with him. But I'm scared. I'm scared to leave my family and friends. I'm scared I'll miss a lot. What should I do?

Well, honestly? It’s a bit tricky to answer this as I’m not sure how far away you would be from your family and friends. Still, let’s put this into perspective.

Generally if you’re as in love as you say, then you tend to move in and settle down together, ready to get married and have the pitter patter of little feet.

However, it can be daunting to do that so I can completely understand, but you need to question yourself. You have fallen hard for him, yes, but do you want to marry him? Can you really see yourself living with him and being a couple/a family?

Because if the answer is no then it doesn’t seem like you’re fully in love.

However, if the answer is yes then I’m sure you can come to a compromise. If he’s in the navy, surely it doesn’t matter too much where he lives as his job is going to be out at sea? Maybe you could both come into an agreement and find a place together.

Also, if you’re going to miss your family and friends… come on, you’re a woman! This is like seeing a little kid get scared when they move schools! Technology is wonderful today, we have phones, Skype, messengers all this stuff to keep in contact. Also generally we can drop friends and make friends very easily (not saying your friends are worth dropping) but you could meet some fantastic people.

Give it a go.

Anonymous sent: Hey do you know anything about abusive parents cause I could reallllllly use some help on how to get a good relationship with my mom because I don't know how much more of this I can take!!!!

Well, it really depends on the kind of abuse we’re talking about sweetheart.

By what I’m getting from the way you’ve worded this is that it’s some kind of emotional abuse. Maybe you need to sit down with her and let her know about the effect that this is having on you. There may be a chance that she’s just venting out her frustration without thinking about what she’s saying or such.

Or, talk to another family member or friend you can trust to help the both of you as a mediator. You never know there could be something you’re doing to upset her and that way you can come to an agreement.

I’m sorry about my delayed replies.

Sadly Oji has had some agony of his own to deal with.

But please remember I do always put you first and try my best to get my answers out asap.

Stay beautiful, you wonderful people.

Anonymous sent: Do you reply privately?

If it’s off anon, I always reply privately just in case.